The Republican rightwing has a derogatory term for moderate GOP members—they call them RINOs, or Republicans in Name Only. If the Tea Party punched above its weight in the recent debt ceiling debate, it wasn’t only because the Democrats were worried that they were crazy enough to sacrifice the economy to get their way. Republican moderates (rapidly becoming an oxymoron) were also worried that they would sacrifice the party. After all, Tea Party purity cost the party some sure Senate seats in the last election, most notably in Delaware and Nevada. The prospect of primary challenges pushed some moderates in Congress, and all of the presidential candidates except for Jon Huntsman, far to the right.
So here’s a poem about the rhino as endangered species. While it focuses on actual rhinoceroses rather than RINOs, it’s hard not to read back into it the macho posturing of those who are threatening Republican moderates. An uncompromising hard line is an intoxicating brew. How else do geeks such as no-tax-pledge Grover Norquist and turn-Medicare-into-a-voucher-system Paul Ryan command such power?
Of course, the real rhinos are also in a lot of trouble. Scott Bates explains why:
By Scott Bates
Rhinoceroses are becoming extinct.
Poachers are killing them by the hundreds for their horns.
Rhonoceros horns are very valuable on the black market.
Why are they valuable? Because of sex of course,
Because of macho old men and the one thing they dread
Which is sex failure. Fiasco. Not getting it up.
Rhonoceroses are powerful, their horns are stiff and hard
And when ground into powder and mixed with lots of older stuff
They are swallowed by doting old men who think they can become potent again
In spite of the fact that, scientifically, the whole business doesn’t make any sense;
Yet if they think they can, sometimes they can:”The powder occasionally works as a restorer of confidence.”
But it lets you down fast. Which basically proves a vast, horny lack of imagination in the world,
An idiot inability to take life simply as it comes
And move with Rhinoceros grace through complicated jungles of muscle and nerve
Making love with everything you have, rheumatic ears and elbows, arthritic knuckles and thumbs
In elemental equatorial delight. Because, after all, who wants to go to bed anyway with a worried old man?
Generations of women have proved that sex can be rewarding and a lot of fun too
If you aren’t drinking Rhinoceros juice by the gallon and hung up on whether or not you can
And forget about being a conquering hero and start doing what is most enjoyable for both of you to do.
So men, especialy wealthy old men who can afford to buy Rhinoceros horns,
Take it easy. Relax. Stop acting like such horses’ asses.
Make love with what you have; you’ll get many more happy returns,
And she’ll like you all the more and you’ll save the Rhinoceroses.
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